Rules of Engagement
9/16/10
So as we sat around the corner of the bar discussing if the engagement should come when you are bursting with love for each other or when you are bursting with love for each other and financially stable. And then discussing the age old question of how long it too long to wait for that ring? And do expectations increase as the wait increases? In my humble opinion no they should not, which got me thinking about some random thoughts I was having while strolling down Broadway on my way back from lunch.
A few days before I left for Africa for the first time ever I took off my engagement ring and put it far and away in a very safe place, leaving me to sport my wedding band while roaming the African plains. So for the past few days I have been wandering the streets of NYC with just my band on receiving some of the weirdest looks of “what exactly is that on your finger?” and “what is that band supposed to mean?” and “Where is the rock?” So today I retrieved my rock from my far and away place, which got me thinking what exactly does an engagement ring mean?
To me it means a worldly declaration of a couples love for one another. Because they loved each other before, but now it is serious business and the whole wide world can know. In a way it simply means we are taking this relationship to the next level. When you stop and think about it, the wedding band is the important bit. That is the piece that symbolizes the vows, the sacrament (or whatever you believe in) that is made in front of a religious/government official and your family and friends. It is the piece that really seals the deal.
An engagement ring can be given back as easily as it can be accepted, but once that wedding band goes on breaking it off can get a whole lot trickier. I can see how people can get caught up in the sparkle and glam and forget about the commitment that comes along with it. In NYC it feels like some people view their engagement ring as more of a status symbol than a symbol of committed love. Mr. K proposed to me with two rings one bought from a touristy shop in Jackson Hole and another handmade specifically for the engagement by a man he randomly met a few days before he proposed. A normal person would not see the glam to these rings, but I saw their pure wondrous fulfilling beauty. That moment was everything I had ever hoped for and more than my wildest dream could have fulfilled upon! I took that ring back to Manhattan and showed it off to everyone and anyone who would stay long enough to hear my story. So for me it’s the meaning behind these two pieces of jewelry that really matters not the ascetic of them. It doesn’t matter how long you waited to get this ring – the point is that you go it, you should be proud of it whether it s a piece of garden twine or a 7 carat flawless diamond with matching pave wedding band. It isn’t the pomp and circumstance in the way that these things are presented. It’s the love, trust, commitment, and happiness that resides in these symbols that really count.
Africa, Honeymoon, Here we come!!
August 21-22, 2010
In the spirit of the Friends Monica and Chandler honeymoon episode Mr. K and I arrived at JFK airport expecting a free upgrade to first class.
Me: Hey! how’s it going? It’s our honeymoon we were wondering if there is anything available in first class. (wink wink)
Emerates ticket man: Yes there is for an upgrade fee of $8,000 a ticket.
Me: OK. What about business class?
Emerates ticket man: yep $4,000 a ticket
Me: OK. how about emergency row seating.
Emerates ticket man: (makes a whispered phone call where only thing i make out is honeymoon couple.) Yes we have something available.
We may not have been first class but we got the most pimped out seats in coach, the first row with about 4 feet of empty space in front of us and an extra seat in our row (which later acted as a trash can for all the wine bottles we consumed.) Then we met Jesse our flight attendant friend who hooked us up the rest of the flight, our honeymoon was off to a smashing start.
So a 12 hour flight to Dubai. What to do what to do, well there was movie watching, photo book reading, pong playing and flight watching – where we realized that we were flying over Iraq – Baghdad etc, are there no such things as no fly zones anymore??
Soon we arrive in Dubai and yes it is as designer as everyone says – pretty much 5th ave in an airport where they sell $127 headphones like JFK sells .25 cent Posts. So here we are thinking that we are in the most modern totally together airport, where the chairs are not just sitting chairs they are recliners.
Finally Nairobi where was meet our driver Gibson holding a sign reading Kocubinski/Ritchey just past baggage claim. It has secretly been a dream of mine that a drive will meet me with a sign at an airport waiting to take me away to a exotic place, and now my dream has true (but even better than my dream since my dream has turned into my honeymoon with Mr. K. )We are truly blessed.
We jump on our Safari bus and head to our hotel a 5 acre oasis in the middle of the city. Beautiful. We have dinner and are now turning in for what should be an awesome day of giraffe and elephant sanctuaries, open air markets and much more!
10£ Fight
May 29, 2010
“Here can you take this and get us something to eat while I wait in the security line” Mr.K in amidst chaos in the London train station.
I look down into my hand and count 2£30, hmmmmm what can I possible buy with 2£30? Where is the rest of the change from the cab ride?? So I end up buying a pain au chocolate still contemplating why I was only given 2£ to buy breakfast. I return to the security line and hand Mr. K the pain and the change.
“Where is the rest??” Mr. K
“The rest of what?” Me
“The money I gave you, 10£” Mr. K
“No you gave me about 2£“ Me
Then we proceeded to fight over the whereabouts of the mystical 10£. We never did find the money, but we did manage to pretty much ruin the chunnel to Paris due to our mini fight. There we sat grumpy and me hungry watching the cheery this group of Londoners toast champagne and eat cake in honor of a birthday celebration, practicing their terrible French all giddy about going to Paris. That should be me or us sipping champagne and having a blast headed to Paris, instead here I sit angry being accused of losing 10£ that I never had.
Paris city of love, here we come.
Can you go over there and eat that?
April 26, 2010
Mr. K : Can you turn the TV on if you are going to eat that so close to me?
Me: Ok, but how do you deal at work with everyone eating near you everyday?
Mr. K: They don’t sound like you, but I don’t like to hear them either.
Mr. K does not like for me to eat around him. It doesn’t really seem to bother him when we are eating together, just when I am eating and he is not. He has issues with the way I eat or the sound that I make or all of the above. Not really sure the exact reason, but I know that it creeps it him out. It’s been that way for as long as I remember, so I don’t think it’s one of those things that used to be cute but is now annoying. So that is good. At least we are not developing annoyances about each other 5 years into the relationship. That would really suck considering we are spending the rest of our lives together. 5 years is just a drop in the bucket! Then again some people get married and divorced in less than 1, so maybe 5 years is long enough to be finding little annoyances. Anyways I don’t think Mr.K and I are one of those couples. So right now we will both deal by turning the TV on in order to drowned out some of my crunch crunch.
The Group Shot
March 25, 2010
Mr. K and I are HUGE fans of How I Met Your Mother an awesome show that comes on Mondays nights on CBS. I could totally relate to this weeks episode, which was about your friends ruining the classic group shot by bringing in random one night only dates, whose names no one can remember 5 years down the line. My dilemma is a little different – the people in my photos were not randoms they were people who had long term relationship with two people very close to my heart.
Recently two people very near and dear to me broke up with their long term other havles, my brother and JS. During the time of my wedding both had been dating their others for a while in serious committed relationships. These people appear in quite a few of my wedding photos, including a few family shots. A few pictures including these now hated exed out other halves have made it into my wedding album (since the breaking up did not happen until after the picture choosing had already taken place).
So now I have a dilemma, do I want my brothers crazy ex in my wedding album? Do I want JS’s psychotic ex in my huge group shot that ends my book? Although these people played significant parts in the lives of my loved ones – they were not one of my besties. So should they live out their immortality in my wedding album??? I think not, especially since no one ever want to see them again. Seems to make sense to photoshop them out so no one ever had to see them again. Right? Right.
Couch
March 16, 2010
On a side not before I begin this entry I would like to say that in college I somehow earned the nickname couch. Apparently every time certain people would come over I was always lounging on the couch in the same position as if I had never moved. This post entitled couch brought back this memory.
Today Mr. K and I bought a couch – neither Mr. K nor myself have ever bought a couch before, collectively or separately. In our last two apartment seating has been sparse. There are always a few people sitting a little too close for comfort on our too small couch or trying to precariously balance themselves on our 8″ wide backless stools. So for this purchase we decided to go big, or just go home – to our ridiculously small couch, which was not an option. So we scanned the typical couch websites, and found a cheeky little sectional whose measurements and price was right! We paid and placed the order.Nnow we wait for him to come on home! With a bit of luck our days of awkward seating will be over come April 18th! All he will need are a couple spicy throw pillows and he should fit right in.
Let the Hunt Begin!
Over the past week Mr. K and I have made a few decisions:
- We are going to stay in this area for another year (give or take)
- We are going to move out of our apartment April 1
- We are going to look for places in the city
I have not felt this happy in a while! The thought of moving back to the city brought a huge giddy grin to my face!
Living here has made me realize that it does matter where I live, location does matter. I also realized that just because my apartment has space doesn’t mean that I will use it. The only time I have used the second bedroom is to work out on my elliptical. I have a huge desk in my huge bedroom and I think I have used that once. Not to mention that none of my family or friends seem too interested in staying in the second bedroom when they visit, nor did my family seem interested in visiting. So as I see it paying an extra couple hundred dollars for a second bedroom and a little more space might not be worth it.
Tonight we headed up to the UWS to take a look at a convertible one bedroom with a large garden. I was warned over the phone that this was a 35 foot studio not a true one bedroom. So not expecting much Mr. K and I went to view the apartment.
What we saw was a very tiny studio, smaller than our Penny Lane place with a decent garden, also smaller than our Penny Lane place. I have no idea how they would build a wall to create a bedroom – there was definitely not enough room. However it did have a washer/dryer in the kitchen, but no dishwasher. It’s weird what some people will do to a NYC apartment. Needless to say we passed on this apartment.
One down let’s see what Saturday holds.
Delicatessen Date
Feb. 22, 2010
Tonight Mr. K and I are going to dinner with HB, CM, JS and their dates to Delicatessen. Most of us will be meeting CM’s date for the first time. She seemed a wee bit nervous about it today during our e-mail conversations. We all are pretty well behaved normal people, I didn’t think she needed to be nervous – we are not that bad are we?
It’s not easy introducing the person you are dating to your friends. It’s not easy for you or your date; I think there will always be some nerves. To me friend approval is huge! People in relationships tend to be somewhat blind to certain aspects of their relationships. If my friends like the dude I am dating then to me that means I am seeing the relationship clearly. It means that the person who I am dating respects me and shows that when around my friends.
I think I first introduced Mr. K to some of my friends at Trinity pub, an Irish bar on the UES. Wait, maybe the first time my friends met Pete was at our tropical spring soiree. Trinity was after our Canyon Road date which I think was our second and our tropical party was our third date – which I know for sure. Either way I’m sure I had a drink or two in me to calm the nerves, and make the situation feel less awkward even if it wasn’t!
My friends are pretty harsh critics (myself included) when it comes to analyzing each other dates. We want to make sure that the man is deserving of our friend, and that our friend isn’t focusing on his one good trait, completely blind to the much more apparent faults. I just don’t want my friends to be hurt and disrespected in a relationship. I don’t form an opinion all at once, I don’t think it fair to make snap judgments on a first impression basis,
So I was ecstatic when Mr. K slowly but surely passed approval from my friends. I knew our relationship felt perfect, and it was great to know that they could see and feel it too.
Champagne Brunch!
Feb. 21, 2010
Il Bastardo offers a 2 hour $15 all you can drink special during their Sunday brunch. I can attest that they are not stingy with the booze. Your glass is never allowed to be empty – my kind of place – at least until they refill my glass one too many times. After we were finished with our girl talk (aka we had reached our two hour limit) it was time to go. CM, HB and JS all headed up east to have a family dinner. I declined and headed back home to Jersey, where my gnudi dough was waiting for me to finish cooking.
Earlier as Mr. K was dropping me off at the path station, we had discussed a time when I would most likely be home and he would come pick me up. I sent him a text telling him I was on my way, and received nothing in return, needless to say he was not there to pick me up and I started walking home in a huff. That when I heard a whistle, then a few blocks later a car pulled up beside me and started following me and “talking” to me. This got me very angry, so in order to calm myself I tried to do some counted breathing, in 1 2 3 4 5 6 out 6 5 4 3 2 1. Usually this works rather well, but with me being slightly inebriated and walking as fast as I possibly could, my counted breaths seemed to be suffocating me more than anything else. So by the time I reached the apartment I was furious and out of breath. I stomped up the stairs shouted something about wanting to move out April 1st to Mr. Slammed the door and stormed to the park where I rambled to my mom and then my dad about living outside of the city, being married etc., while someone’s confused dog kept trying to bring me sticks. My parents shared their experiences with me and calmed me down. It was good hearing that they had dealt with some of the same issues, what they did in their situation and the outcome. So after a long while of talking I left the park and headed home.
I did make a somewhat recovery, I was able to finish making my gnudi and veggies (and it was tasty) while having a decent dinner with Mr. K before passing out on the couch with my netbook on my lap. Perhaps I am a little out of practice with this whole Sunday Funday deal.
Iggys, San Loco, and Rock Band
Feb. 19, 2010
This morning Mr. K and I started out on the wrong foot. We got into some text/telephone conversations all before 7:30 am that left me feeling confused and stressed out. So, for most of the morning I sat at work with a tight little ball of tensions and stress sitting in my chest. Not exactly how I wanted to start out my weekend! Looking back it’s pretty funny that I let a few text messages and one short telephone conversation change my whole outlook on not just my day, but my weekend as well. I have been learning not to carry around my past into my future, but easier said than done.
Flash forward a few hours and one phone conversation with Mr. K later, and I am on my way to meet him at Iggys in the LES, where we had post dinner drinks on our first date. Now this is one area of my past that I don’t mind dragging into my future. It was great sitting reminiscing about our first date. We each remembered exactly where we sat (big round table near the door), Mr. K knew exactly what he played on the jukebox (a lot of Verve, that is no longer on the jukebox), and me not believing that his middle name is Ezekiel, and forcing him to show me some proof. It was crazy how all the memories came flooding back as if our first date was months ago instead of years!
The main reason we were out that night was to see HB’s boy toys band play at the Delancy. So after we stopped at San Loco for a quick dinner (seriously the best tacos ever!), we headed over to the Delancy just in time to catch the band’s first song. I didn’t really know what to expect, but his band was a really impressive rocker band, leather pants and all! So in true rocker style we kept the party going after the set was finished on the rooftop bar of the Delancy.
Newlywed Notes 