Am I Boring???

Oct. 20, 2009

“All you do is eat and sit on a truck, eat and sit on a truck. I feel like I will get bored, which is why it might be cool to plan our trip when Mr. S and Mrs. G are going.” – Mr. K

I immediately took this to mean that Mr. K thinks I’m boring, and that he would be bored out of his mind if he had to go on our Africa trip with just me. To me my thought made perfect sense, 99% of all the vacations we take are with members of his family – so there are more people on the trip than just me. In the 4.75 years that we have been dating we have taking two trips just the two of us, one of those was our mini moon in Montreal, the other one Alaska. So for him to want to invite his friends on our honeymoon, reinforced my thoughts of Mr. K thinking I’m a boring vacation partner.

I asked Mr. K where all this came from, because about 5 days ago he was totally into this Africa trip – I felt like all these hesitations came out of nowhere.  How can someone drastically change their mind like that?  It completely blind sighted me. It has been happening a lot lately. He will be completely on board with an idea one day and then a week later have done a complete 180 and changed his mind. What if one day he just wakes up and changes his mind about me? Sorry Mrs. K I don’t love you anymore see ya around. There I would be having no clue as to what just happened or why it happened. That is what scares me most about Mr. K’s recent changes of opinion. I love that we are able to express our doubts, likes and concerns about the events occurring in our relationship – I think it’s truly amazing that we are able to freely share our thoughts and feelings with each other. But as of late it is also turned into a scary thing since I never can be 100% sure what he is going to say, or where those words originated. So we talk it out, and find the outcome that we both feel secure about. It’s important that we are both heard, that neither of us harbor pent up feelings of resentment – that somewhere down the line could lead us to change our minds about each other.

The truth is I think it would be very cool to do part of our Africa trip with Mr. S and Mrs. G – they are really fun and interesting people. Every time I have hung out with them I have had a great time! They both are super adventurous and Mr. S works with animals tagging sea turtle and polar bears so he is familiar with the wild animal scene. Having people on the trip with the same adventurous spirit as we do would be awesome! But this is our honeymoon, I want be able to see everything that I want to see and not run around on someone else’s schedule, cheating me out of the experience that I want to create for myself, and for us. Plus I do want part of it to be romantic and lovey and lavish. I’m not saying we need to spend $50k on this vacation, but I do want the room with the view of the ocean on the beach for at least one night. But what I really want is for us to have some time alone, not drinking beers with friends, not hanging out with family, ALONE, without distractions from our life in America.


October 21, 2009. Uncategorized.

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